I often reflect upon the past,
remembering with fondness the people who have been influential in my life, the
many turns of divine providence (the ones I can see) that have brought me where
I am, and the countless blessings of God upon my life. I sometimes think of
less pleasant things as well: mistakes I’ve made, people I’ve hurt, and
opportunities I’ve missed. After 31 years of pastoring, I have more questions
than I do answers about most things. Here are some things I wish I had learned
earlier, things wise and experienced men and women tried to teach me. By
putting them on paper, I hope that others will learn them early.
I
wish I had learned when I was twenty that A
Pastor is a leader, not a controller. A pastor is a shepherd, one
who feeds, protects, and leads sheep. It is not his business to control the
lives of men, but to feed them with the gospel. Sadly, young men (husbands and
pastors) often feel that they must flex their muscles and show themselves men, not
intending to do so, but often hurting deeply those who love them most.
I
wish I had learned as a young man that forced
compliance is only hidden rebellion. Men and women can be
manipulated into doing many things they prefer not to do. A pastor can embarrass,
humiliate, and brow beat people into attending services, giving, and doing
things they ought to do. But, unless the love of Christ constrains people, all
their outward compliance is but the hiding of rebellion. If the preaching of
Christ crucified does not inspire and motivate godliness and faithfulness,
there is nothing within to be inspired and motivated.
I
wish I had learned long before now that counsel
without experience is dangerous, very dangerous. It is always empty,
meaningless and reveals great folly in the one who gives it. And it often
causes great harm in those who try to heed it. It is rare, very rare, for an
unmarried man to have a faint clue about how to counsel a married couple. An
unmarried man addresses such matters from ignorance, total ignorance. The same
is true regarding a man who has no children instructing those who have
children. The fact is, men who have been married for a long time are very
reluctant to counsel anyone about marriage. We know the blessedness of our
homes are altogether the result of God's goodness, not our own. Those who have
raised a family, have little advice for those who are raising families. We've
made too many mistakes.
I try to avoid as much as possible the private affairs of
other people, especially our church family. The less I know about your private
affairs the less those things affect my preaching. Please understand, I am
anxious to carry your burdens, anxious for you to come to me with any need, or
any concern. It is my privilege to weep with you when you weep and rejoice with
you when you rejoice. But I’m not a priest. I’m here to point you to Christ and
urge you to use him as your Priest. I want to be a friend. I want you to use me
as such. I will try to listen well and say little by way of counsel. I wish I
had learned when I was a young man that a
friend with a listening ear, a sympathizing heart, a hand ready to help, and
tight lips is a real friend.